Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
