the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize