For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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