The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
