dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
