what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
