question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
