he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
