I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
