No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
