And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
