Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
