You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
