Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
