the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
