i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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