"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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