Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
do herpes really smell.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
