He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
