the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
