oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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