is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
