wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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