matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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