I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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