shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
