scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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