farters have to be the big spoon...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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