after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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