I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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