not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
