i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
