the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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