Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
