I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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