I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
