Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
