No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i drank out of a bidet.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You ruined the universe
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
