I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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