talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
