i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
