man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
