well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
