im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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