I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
