I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
