i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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