so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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