Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
