I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
