When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
