State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
ok first of all what the fuck
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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