hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i need some magic done to my vagina
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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