is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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