Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did I show you my penis last night?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
