Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize