Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize