Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
