I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
