like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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