i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize