My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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