More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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