I heard we made out
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
