So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
