i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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