I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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