just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
