eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
