I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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