Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
