her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
