I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
