Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
