You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Still dying that you shit outside
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
